The Art of Healing ✨

Many of us jump into relationships without taking breaks or without giving ourselves enough time to evaluate our experiences. After a breakup, whether it was good or a bad, we should always take time to heal. Healing is the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. It is the process of mending everything that was once broken. The result of healing is growth and balance. When we’re not able to heal, we continue to hurt ourselves and others in the process.

Have you ever heard the saying, “hurt people, hurt people”? Well, it’s the absolute truth. One who hasn't healed goes along hurting others because the pain becomes so numb and common. For example, I’ve pushed people away who truly cared about me because I wasn’t truly healed. Even though these people loved me and had my best interest at heart, I began to sabotage the relationship because I didn’t see through the eyes of love and because I didn't receive true healing. I saw everything through the lens of a broken heart. As a result, I felt alone and abandoned. I started smoking weed more and I started doing things just to do them. I felt empty and numb. I was hurt, so I hurt myself more than anything. But when I received healing, I began to embrace people and allowed my heart to be open to trying again. I let go of things that weren’t benefiting me and I started to accept reality.

Im sure you’re wondering, how do I heal and where do I start? The answer is: you have to start within. It’s easier said than done but it’s possible. Starting from within means being honest with yourself first. Here’s a few steps on the process I took to heal.

1. First admit what you feel.

Don’t deny your feelings of hurt, brokenness, unhappiness, loneliness, etc. This is the first step because when you express how you feel, you can then change how you think, which leads to change in your behaviors. And vice versa. Express how you feel whether it’s in writing or verbally to someone you trust. It releases your emotions into the atmosphere. Always remember you can’t heal what you don’t confront.

2. Make a decision to let go.

The act of letting go is a choice. We all have choices in life. You can choose to hold on to pain and disappointment or you can choose to let it go. When we choose healing, we accept the fact that we have a choice to let that hurt go. You have to stop reliving past pain and going over the details in your head. You just have to let it go. Write down what happened then crumble the paper, rip it up, or burn it. All three options symbolize that you decided to let the pain go.

3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.

Realize that you played a role in the relationship as well. Sometimes it’s not always someone else’s fault. It can be your fault too. And at some point and time, you may have given someone else the power to control how you feel. Take responsibility for your own happiness. No one can make you happy but you. People can only add to your happiness. Never give someone the power to do what you can do for yourself.

4. Focus on the present.

Im sure you’ve heard of the Vegas rule: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. We’ll sometimes you have to apply that rule to your own life situations. What happened in the past, stays in the past. Focus on the here and now. You can’t change the past, but you can make today a better day and prepare yourself for the future. If you find yourself thinking about the past often, focus on what you have to be grateful for now. The less you focus on the past, the more positive will become.

5. Forgive them and don’t forget to forgive yourself too.

Forgiveness is the most important aspect of healing. Forgiveness is freedom. It is the act of releasing whatever has harmed you or caused you to become resentful/vengeful against another person or even yourself. The first step to forgiveness is to forgive yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up in forgiving others but we neglect to forgive ourselves. Forgive yourself for your own actions. It’s not your fault that someone else hurt you or took advantage of you. Stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up about it. When we do not forgive others, it’s like we’re drinking poison expecting the poison to kill the other person. Forgiveness isn’t saying you agree with what the person did but it’s simply saying I’m ready to move forward with my life and never look back.

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Healing is an art. It’s a process that’s not going to happen overnight. The process is different for everyone. It may take days, weeks, months or even years. Be patient with yourself. Know your limits and if you need help, don’t ever be afraid to ask for it. The first step is to be honest with yourself and admit that you desire healing. I pray that you seek the healing you desire. ❤️

Blue Moon 🌙💙