Boundaries 101

Boundaries help us to meet our own needs, develop our own identity and independence, and helps builds healthy relationships. Having healthy boundaries enables us to use our energy in good ways, take care of ourselves, and allow us to be more supportive of others. Boundaries are basically mental, emotional, or physical limits you put in place between you and another person so that you can be happy, co-existing individuals. They set expectations for both people in a relationship, whether you’re roommates, coworkers, old friends, or new baes.

When it comes to improving your mental health, here are a few steps you need to take to develop healthy boundaries:

1. Respect the boundaries of others

2. Creating boundaries for yourself

3. Break through boundaries that no longer serve you

Respecting the boundaries of others

Not everyone shares the same boundaries. Whether you've know someone for 5 minutes or 5 years, you should always ask for their permission/get consent in any situation and respect their decision.

Create boundaries with yourself

Be self-aware of how you're thinking and feeling. If you're feeling stressed and need some "me" time to recharge and regroup, take some time away from your responsibilities and work. Use "I"-statements to focus on your feelings and not place judgement or blame on someone else. (For example, "I really like you but I'm not ready to have sex," or "I need one night a week for myself.")

Break through boundaries that no longer serve you

Know your worth. It is not your job to be responsible for another person's reaction to the boundaries you set for yourself. Only you know what's best for you. Communicate effectively but not not apologize for communicating your needs. Be consistent with yourself and others, but know that needs can change over time.

Here are some examples of how to set healthy boundaries:

• Say No

• Refuse to take blame

• Find your identify outside of a relationship or friendship

• Accept help

• Stick up for yourself

• Choose to be vulnerable

• Apply your right to privacy

• Remember that you have the ability to change your mind

• Communicate discomfort

• Manage you time

• Asking people to stop distracting us when we are busy

• Letting friends know when we wont be available

• Telling boyfriend/girlfriend how much affection we want or don’t want

• Letting our parents, caregivers, or partners know when we need alone time

• Making space for quiet time

• Turn off cell phone, TV, computer…

Don't wait, start applying your healthy boundaries today!